battleship roundup

I know I'm not the only one who stays up at night pondering Life's Big Question: How did we function before the internet? How did we find recipes to feed our strangest cravings, or hear about the slew of atrocities committed by our favorite D-list celebrities? Maaaaybe we could catch some of these gems in line at the grocery store, but who wants to read something that's a day old, let alone a week, or...God forbid...a month! I shudder to think.

Fortunately those days are gone. I'd like to take a moment to reflect on some of the juiciest food and fashion tidbits the internet has recently proffered with a little game called BATTLESHIP ROUNDUP!!!

MISS!
Thanks to Refinery29 for bringing some of the most heinous Photoshop crimes in history to light. The worst of the worst? Ralph Lauren's mutilation of model Fillipa Hamilton's waist, striking an inadvertent victory for feminism when adolescent girls everywhere realized that you can be too thin after all:




HIT!
Fast food is bad for you, and it's worse for your kids. Schools across the nation are revamping their lunch programs as alarming childhood obesity statistics surface. So why is it totally bananas that Santa Clara County wants to stop the practice of giving children toys with their fatty, semi-synthetic food? It's not, which is why I declare this proposed ban a hit.

You won't see this notorious burger thief
complying with fast food laws any time soon!

HIT!
Archie comics introduces their first gay guy, Kevin, giving Veronica a new shopping buddy and increasing property values throughout Riverdale.

Will the stylish new hunk turn the infamous
Betty/Veronica/Archie love triangle into a love square?

MISS!

Heidi Klum committed all sorts of faux pas the other day, from an unflattering nod to the late great Alexander McQueen to hair product abuse rivaled only by the likes of DJ Pauly D. True, a "fragrance release party" for Eva Longoria sounds like a pretty lame time, but at least try a little...

Sorry Heidi, but in fashion, one day you're in, the next you're out.

HIT!
I used to write "manscaping" off as metrosexual tomfoolery, reserved only for the most ridiculously vain of men. Unfortunately, complete body waxing for men seems to have become almost mandatory and I'd love to know why. When did the rugged, handsome man give way to the manicured pretty boy? How does anyone win in this situation? They don't, which is why this article by Simcha Whitehill is a hit!

Hugh Jackman: the last vestige of a dying breed?

MISS!
The Louis Vuiton iPad case is just a Hummer for city people. Take an impractical status symbol (iPad) and mix it with a gaudy status symbol (LV logo) and what do you have? A small penis!



HIT and SUNK!!!
At first I though that the story of Cecilia Cassini might actually be a miss. I was expecting a sickeningly cute interview, a bratty rich girl, and overbearing parents who think their daughter is more special than she is.

But no, this girl is the real deal. She designs and sews clothes for the stylish progeny of some big names and she's actually pretty good at it. Far from those unfortunate daughters of insane stage mothers, Cassini seems to foster a genuine passion and flair for fashion. Or at least that's what I gathered from her two minute profile on the Today Show.

So that's it! That makes...4 hits, which means the internet sunk our battleship!!

calle ocho

My favorite part of any vacation is when I accidentally stumble into a place or an event that blows my meticulously planned agenda right out of the water, which is exactly what happened when I ran across the annual Calle Ocho Festival in Miami's Little Havana. My companion and I had no idea what were were doing, just that we should head towards Eighth Street because it, um, looked big on the map.

Who knew that "Eighth Street" was actually Calle Ocho, or that it happened to be the day of the famed festival? Well...hundreds of thousands of people. Ehhh, so what? I know now!

One of many men hawking meat on a stick...


Enjoying Cuban tamales from an open-air restaurant counter...
Fresh baby coconut water from a cigar-chewing old man...


Arepas!


Huge vats of paella being made and sold for a dollar...
...and so much more! You will love this festival if you've ever wanted to compare the rice and beans of a hundred different grandmas from all over Central America, snack on slow-cooked lechon with your beer, smoke a cigar that's been hand rolled right in front of you, play dominoes with your Cuban elders in Maximo Gomez Park, or just dance.

photos via me, except arepa lady via here.

la sandwicherie

I just got back from Florida, freshly tanned and well fed. I spent a great deal of time in South Beach, surrounded by spring breakers, beautiful women, hairless men, and exhibitionist hobos. To ensure that none of these people go hungry or sober, the streets are lined with restaurants, hotels, bars and clubs with one thing in common: they're all outrageously expensive.

Broke-ness is a central component of the Lazy Hedonist's lifestyle, so I did a little detective work to find good values in South Beach and the surrounding area. Mistakes were made (i.e. a $50 tab for what was supposed to be a shared falafel sandwich), but I ultimately found that with a car, a flexible schedule, and the ability to say no, anyone can succeed in southeast Florida.

The car, especially, turned out to be a critical factor in finding good food. Little Havana in Miami Proper and infinite seafood along Rte. 1 in the keys had some of the best eatin' available. My personal favorite, though, was from a little sandwich stand called "La Sandwicherie," between Collins and Washington on 14th Street, right in the heart of South Beach. They're open from 8am-5am so there's absolutely no excuse to skip out on this gem. It doesn't really matter what kind of sandwich you order, so long as you get it with the works (lettuce, tomatoes, green and hot peppers, black olives, onions, cucumbers, cornichons, mayo) and for God's sake, don't skip the dressing. I didn't know what a big deal it would turn out to be, so I didn't take any pictures. Fortunately for everyone, their website has many.




A word to the wise - the sandwiches are not conducive to eating on the go and the French guys who serve them up are as tasty as the food, so grab a stool and enjoy your meal at the counter.

let's hear it for the boys

I don't know what it is, but I love when men ditch their socks and ties and still manage to look...dressed. Maybe because it looks European? Eh...I don't really care as long as they keep doing it.

all images via the sartorialist, who taught me that men can be fashionable too.

life is a beach!

I don't want to sound ungrateful -- I'm not! I'm glad that the dark months are over and March is finally here. It's just that I'm kind of over this lion phase and totally ready for the lamb. But as luck would have it, I'm leaving for Florida next Sunday and all of this dismal cold will be but a distant memory...which has me thinking lustful thoughts of paradoxically modest but ultra-sexy swimsuits and rompers...

top row: topshop
bottom row, left to right: j crew, j crew, anthropologie

The icing on the cake is that they go for $150 or less a pop. Style one of these puppies with cheap sunglasses, flip flops, sunscreen, a cooler of beer, a smutty novel, plus maybe a friend or two and you're set for the summer!